Musings 4  - Writing

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AWARENESS

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Chris Kemple 2008

 

 

Even as I write I know that I am not fully aware.

 

Does awareness come from experience? Hopefully not, for my experience would limit my awareness. Indeed most if not all of my mistakes in life came from a lack of awareness. It is said that true awareness is freedom from pain.

 

Is awareness attention? Can I stay fully attentive and if I can’t why not?

 

What is full attention anyway, what is awareness anyway?

All these demands upon the soul, be aware , be enlightened , why? For what? Because someone else said so?

Or do I need to be mindful to the present to be ?

 

If I am not being, stuck in the past with thought or wishing for a future, always becoming, then who suffers? Who laughs? Who wishes? Who remembers?

 

If I am a collection of thoughts, someone said thought is always old, always coming from the past.

Then my mind is old. Am I more than my mind?

 

If I am paying full attention, then who is paying attention?

 

If my mind is coming from the past how can it, the past, pay attention to the present?

 

I refuse to pay attention! I refuse to be aware! I refuse to be what I am told I can be!

 

I just want to enjoy, laughing, to cry, to be sad, to be happy, to be whatever I am

 

To just be myself.

To be me.

 

 To just be.

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